A handful of days ago would have marked the 37th anniversary of my ordination as a priest with the Paulist Fathers. When I left, it wasn’t that I no longer felt called to serve. I left because I realized that the means through which I served had to allow me to find a life partner: a spouse.
Faced with the need for income, I found a job in the software industry.
A bit of a surprise, huh? How would I live a life dedicated to service in the corporate world? Why not look to another faith that allowed married ministers, work at a non-profit, or become a therapist?
Good questions. I considered them and even obtained a Counseling Psychology degree, but none fit. I was searching for work that supported the same passion that led me into the priesthood: helping others experience God as loving and supportive rather than punitive and condemning.
After years of searching, full of questions and doubts, I found a way to live my passion and serve the highest good: as a spirit healer, storyteller, and story-receiver. So many people yearn to be seen and heard by someone who understands the ups and downs of their life. In my novels, I write of a character whose path mirrors elements of my own journey, even though our lives unfold in very different ways. My hope is that readers might see pieces of their own journey within his and discover hope along the way.
What about you? What fuels your spirit and brings you fulfillment? It might be as a parent, teacher, house cleaner, accountant, salesperson, or through countless other roles.
If you haven’t yet identified your passion, take a step back and reflect on what brings you joy. From within that, you may discover your calling.
And if I’m any example, that search can take you along many paths. None is a waste, for each one teaches you something valuable.
Looking back over the thirty-seven years since my ordination, I can now see that every turn in the road was guiding me toward a different expression of the same calling: helping others feel seen, supported, and connected to the divine.
I send you all loving support that you identify your passion and live it out with great zeal, for the highest good.
Check out What Survives the Storm, a new collaborative book released a couple of weeks ago, featuring my chapter, Standing at the Edge.
The description on the Amazon page is as follows: In life’s most difficult moments, we often discover a strength we didn’t know we had.
What Survives the Storm is a powerful collection of real stories from individuals who have faced loss, uncertainty, illness, heartbreak, and life-altering change—and found a way through. Each chapter offers an honest glimpse into what it means to navigate hardship, listen inward, and keep moving forward when the path is unclear.
These stories are not about perfection or easy answers. They reflect real experiences of resilience, personal insight, and the quiet decisions that shape who we become in the midst of challenge. From moments of deep uncertainty to unexpected clarity, each voice brings a perspective that is both deeply personal and widely relatable.
Readers will find themes of inner knowing, healing, courage, letting go, and rediscovering meaning in the aftermath of life’s storms. Whether you are in the middle of your own difficult season or simply seeking connection through shared human experience, this collection offers something steady to return to.
This book is a reminder that even in the hardest moments, something within us endures.
This blog first appeared as a chapter in the collaborative spiritual book, Awaken Your Magic: Real Life Manifestation Journeys, published in early 2024 and available for sale on Amazon.
Note: Unlike my other blog posts, this one is about 1200 words.
“Stop talking!” I mumbled during an online meeting, frustrated it was running past its scheduled end time. Glancing at the microphone icon on the screen, I panicked when I realized it was on. Having worked at this company for twenty years, I realized I remained in my job mainly to pay my bills. It didn’t give me a sense of purpose. I yearned for divine guidance to illuminate the path where I belonged. Have you ever felt trapped in a job like I did?
But let’s backtrack. This job was only one segment on the meandering path I traveled in search of my purpose. Some might have called it chaotic. Reflecting on it, I want to share the five signposts that were turning points and opportunities for change.
Signpost 1: The Stranger
I was pursuing my Master’s degree in engineering when a friend approached me with a request. Host his friend for a few days. The prospect of entertaining a stranger terrified me. I wasn’t someone who took risks. Because I always felt different throughout childhood, I tried to blend into the background. My dislike of sports further isolated me, resulting in bullying and the gradual erosion of my self-esteem. A skewed understanding of God as a judge compounded my struggle. My friend’s request became my first signpost. I would have declined had I not recalled my faith’s instruction to welcome the stranger.
One night, my guest introduced me to the Catholic Charismatic Renewal, which celebrates their faith through song, prayer, and praise in tongues. Intrigued, I attended one of their meetings and witnessed people excited about their faith and convinced of God’s unconditional love. Although their belief didn’t make sense, I yearned for their experience and decided to join.
Over the next nine months, I underwent a renewal. Not only did I begin to feel God’s love, but I also discovered a new form of prayer: chatting with God. I had never thought prayer could be anything but formulaic. With this renewal came a feeling of joy I had never known. If anyone had come by my office during those months, they would have heard me enthusiastically belting out songs by Amy Grant, a Christian singer, and concluded I’d lost my mind. Out of my transformation grew a desire for others to experience the same.
Signpost 2: The Call
With that desire came a call to the priesthood, the next signpost. I felt excited about putting my passion into action as a priest. However, my excitement waned when I began applying to the diocesan seminary. Sitting in the chapel building on campus, I felt my head swirling with doubts. Had I misread the signpost? Sharing my confusion with God, I pleaded, “Could you send someone to me with whom I could talk?”
Minutes later, two friends walked in. My mouth dropped open when they told me they were returning from a vocational retreat sponsored by the Paulist Fathers. God had heard my plea. I felt a spark ignite in my heart when they shared that this community of priests dedicated their lives to helping people find healing, connection, and meaning. The spark became a roaring fire when I discovered its founders emphasized the importance of each person following the guidance of the Holy Spirit wherever it might lead. That aligned with my own belief, fully resonating with me. Without hesitation, I applied, and they accepted me.
Through the ensuing formation years, I experienced tremendous growth. My bond with God strengthened through the study of theology and scripture. Therapy also played a pivotal role as emotional wounds began to heal, which resulted in me acknowledging my identity as a gay man. A bishop ordained me and my classmates at the end of my sixth year, and my purpose seemed clear.
Signpost 3: The Hiccup
I was on vacation from my assignment to my second parish when I experienced a hiccup with my purpose. On the second day, an unexpected desire for an intimate relationship surfaced. Despite my attempts to ignore it, the feeling kept returning, as hiccups often do. This new signpost took the form of two questions:Is my desire so vital I must leave the priesthood? Or can I set it aside and remain a celibate priest? Intuitively, I knew I needed time away to consider them. God sent signs confirming this when I found an apartment and a job in the software industry within two weeks of leaving. This job was similar to the one I mentioned at the beginning of my article.
Unfortunately, those questions led to three more. How could I leave a community I loved and with whom I had made a lifetime commitment? Could I even find someone to date? If I didn’t return, what about my call to serve, which was as strong as ever? Guilt and fear weighed heavily on me. Months into the leave, I met the man to whom I’d give my heart and marry five years later. Having decided not to return to the priesthood, I was back to square one, wondering about my purpose.
Signpost 4: The Search
Thus, the search for my purpose resumed. I considered options like volunteering or working in the non-profit sector. Both felt wrong. At a therapeutic retreat, an offhand remark became the next signpost: You could be a therapist. An online search led me to a degree program with a spiritual emphasis. Not only was the university ten minutes away, but my boss supported a flexible work schedule. I knew God played a role there.
Midway through my final year, while seeing clients as a therapist trainee, a stark realization hit me. My classmates showed a passion for this work I lacked. I realized this was not my path, but I still decided to complete the degree. I must admit that by then, I was frustrated. I’d pursued four professions but had yet to find my life’s purpose. “Come on, God,” I complained. Thirteen more years went by before the next signpost appeared.
Signpost 5: The Pink Slip
Getting laid off was a blow. I felt angry and betrayed. However, unlike me, God and my other divine advisors saw this as an opportunity. Aware I had diligently saved for retirement, a few years away, they suggested I create a new profession. My response: “Are you crazy? You want me to make something up?” Their persistent encouragement, almost bordering on harassment, prompted me to ask how, albeit reluctantly. They advised me to look for moments of passion.
Three stood out. The first took me back to graduate school and my desire for others to experience God’s love as I did. The second occurred at the counseling center while a therapist trainee. In a conversation with a staff member, I felt my passion bubble over as I shared my desire with her. The therapeutic retreat revealed the third moment when its founder expressed her belief that I had the qualities of a spiritual healer.
Today
My identity as a spirit healer is still evolving. At its core is my belief that each person must forge a path that resonates with them, regardless of whether they believe in a divine entity. My commitment to helping others heal brokenness, rediscover their blessedness, and uncover their purpose stems from this belief. A website, monthly blogs, and a spiritual fantasy, which is currently in development, are the manifestations of that commitment.
Looking back, I’m grateful for the twists and turns of my meandering path. Each signpost marked a crucial juncture, built upon what came before. Will there be more signposts? Of course. These unknown moments will also likely come with doubt and fear. But my divine advisors encourage me to embrace the unknown and be open to the miracles ahead.
Back to your search for purpose. If you’re already living it, congratulations. Enjoy it. If not, try to believe your life is building towards it. Search within and identify your passion; that’s the magic. Inevitably, magic manifests.
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Yesterday, a friend and I gave each other spiritual readings. A few things stood out from hers about me, especially the message from my divine advisors and guide that I’d become was caught up in various worries and stresses. When she mentioned that, I was surprised. Was I really worrying?
At first, I couldn’t identify anything big. Then I realized that they weren’t big worries but small. Some of them included not getting the bookmark I was designing to align correctly for my newly released book, Where the Heart Leads: Journeys of a Spirit Healer. Despite repeated adjustments, it wasn’t perfect, and this led to worry and stress. Another was about losing weight prior to a vacation. I’d increased my exercise routine significantly, severely restricted sweets, and reduced portion size. Even with that effort, there were times I gained weight rather than losing it. I also noted other small worries as well.
I’m still surprised by how unconscious I was of them.
This morning, during meditation, as I asked Archangel Michael to help me release those worries. As I did, an image and song popped into my head. The image was a river with rocks scattered throughout which impeded the flow. My worries were the rocks, and I realized they limited the possibilities that might come to me.
The companion song to the image was “Let the River Run” by Carly Simon. Its lyrics have always inspired me. I wrote a homily about it when I was a priest. One line still jumps out: “Let the river run. Let all the dreamers wake the nation.” This conveys power and intention that encourages me to go forward and remove the obstacles to enable dreams to become reality.
May your river flow freely, unblocked by worry, so that you can see your possibilities and manifest your dreams.
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I recently completed a twenty-eight day Soul Coaching program with a goal of connecting more deeply to spirit. The final exercise was to go on a mini vision quest, a traditional rite of passage taken in nature to gain spiritual insight. I call mine “mini” because it lasted only a couple of hours instead of days—but the insight I gained was powerful:
To connect more deeply to the divine, I needed to connect more strongly with nature to restore my balance.
Does that make sense to you?
Up until then, while I recognized my need to ground and appreciate nature, much of my spiritual focus was directed toward the heavens. That typically entailed daily meditations, regular chats with my divine advisors, going on retreats, and attending workshops and programs. I didn’t realize that something was missing.
My vision quest insight called me to remember that while I bear a divine essence (my soul), I do so within flesh and blood. In other words, my very existence is part of nature and is in fact made of the same stuff.
So rather than “looking up” to strengthen my connection to the divine, I’m invited to look around at the wonder of creation. To appreciate the beauty, be grateful for it, care for it, and remember the fullness of who I am as an incarnated being. By doing so, I deepen my relationship with the divine and also step into my role as a co-creator.
What about you? Are you spiritually balanced? What’s your relationship with nature? I invite you to feel your connection to all of it, and through it, experience the divine in a new way.
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As I sat down to write this blog, this phrase came to me. But how can that be? Let me back up a bit.
I’m taking a Soul Coaching course with Denise Linn and, in yesterday’s session, she reminded us to pay attention to dreams. Last night, I had a doozy.
I found myself in a school that didn’t use books or classrooms. While the students all had heads and arms, they came in every shape and color. Some had fins; some with rounded bodies ten feet wide; others were quite small. I went up to one teacher and asked:
“How can I learn without books or memorization?”
“You will,” he answered.
“But how can I figure it all out if my mind doesn’t have something to latch on to?”
“Your learning won’t be with your mind.”
When I woke this morning, I wondered if this meant learning through experience. My divine advisors chimed in:
“Not quite.”
“Would I learn via spirit?”
Their puzzling reply: “Yes, and possibly.”
I’ve valued my logical mind for most of my life. Yet I know it has limits, especially when questions arise about how to live out my calling in the world. Sometimes, I need to let understanding come in its own time.
I forgot to mention that when I woke, lyrics from a Patricia Costa song popped into my head: “Sleeper, wake up to new life…” and “come out of the depth of your dreams, [God] is calling you.”
So, the dream was important. To clear my head, I decided to walk through my neighborhood, taking in the beauty of nature. Knowing my mind would still try to figure things out, my advisors sent more messages along the way, using other Patricia Costa songs:
“Things we see are not as they appear to be. A door was closed; another opens.” From this, I understood I’d be encountering something different, and encouraged to step through an open door into the unfamiliar.
“Beside restful waters, [God] is leading.” As I step through that door, my advisors alerted me that this new learning won’t come through effort or striving.
Once again, I’m being asked to have faith in whatever’s presented to me, trust that my spirit/my soul will recognize it, and not try to figure it out.
Have you ever been in this situation? When intuition tells you something new is about to unfold, and you’re asked to let go of your mind’s need to know or do and just be with it.
I guess we’ll see what comes of that.
Peace to you all. And thanks, Patricia.
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Sometimes disruption is the doorway to divine grace.
In my last blog, I shared a message from my divine advisors about adventures and opportunities. A few hours later, something unexpected happened that changed my unwritten plans: my husband fell and broke his arm. I’m not suggesting that the accident was divinely driven. But what unfolded afterward certainly was.
With his arm immobilized, I stepped into the role of caretaker: managing the household and supporting him. I take this on out of my deep love for him. Still, it was an unplanned interruption.
Two things are important to know. First, I know my calling as a spirit healer is expanding. The messages have been clear. Second, I’ve been told the way it will unfold will be completely unexpected. The engineer in me inevitably keeps trying to figure it out. For example, I wondered if a traditional publisher might contact me about releasing the next book in my spiritual fantasy series, now titled Where the Heart Leads: Journeys of a Spirit Healer.
Up until the accident, I was chugging along at a steady pace with book 2. With my changed responsibilities, I was thrust into a new opportunity: one that forced me to slow down. As my days became more fluid, it opened space in my life for my divine advisors to ‘breathe’ and do their thing. Three nights ago, the first unexpected blessing arrived. I’ll share more about that at another time.
What about you? Is your life so carefully planned out that the unexpected feels like a setback? Are your days so organized that you’re blind to opportunities (even challenging ones) that might contain quiet blessings that support your calling?
Take a moment to reflect. Then offer gratitude. That’s what I do each morning, as something beautiful and holy grows from broken plans.
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June is known as Pride Month—a time to honor and celebrate LGBTQ+ lives. In the years I’ve written this blog, I haven’t directly addressed my community, since my messages have been for everyone. But this month, I want to speak more personally.
LGBTQ+ people have faced discrimination, judgment, and rejection, especially from many religions. It made life difficult. The hardest part isn’t only enduring that, but the process of coming out to yourself and others. Through this, we develop powerful gifts, and that’s this blog’s focus. I also hope this speaks to anyone who’s felt different from the so-called norm.
Feeling different can be gutting, especially when confronted with images that remind us we don’t belong. We’re not enough and not good enough. Some try to fit in by hiding, adopting behaviors and interests far from our true selves. It’s a sad way to live. And even sadder when they convince themselves it’s their true self.
But this journey isn’t only about struggle. In the process, we discover gifts at a depth uncommon to those who haven’t walked our path. Here are a few:
Self-reflection: Our journey requires that we look within, exploring who we are at the core. We search books, attend workshops, and explore spiritualities to help us figure out who we are. We repeatedly ask, Does this resonate? Does it reflect who I am? We yearn to feel seen. Even after we’ve come out, this self-reflection continues, shaping how we live, love, and choose.
Courage: We may not always feel brave, but it’s present in every step. It rings out when we choose to stand tall, even on days we want to hide. No one else has had our individual experience, though we share commonalities with others like us. It takes courage to celebrate what we bring into the world just for being the person we are, our truest and holiest self.
Compassion: Our experiences of anger, fear, and loneliness enable us to recognize the same struggles in others. Because of it, we can offer love and understanding to those beginning the journey, caught in the thick of it, or simply living their truth now.
Self-reflection, courage, and compassion are only three gifts. Others include creativity, flexibility, sensitivity… I’m sure you can name your own.
This month, I encourage you to celebrate your uniqueness. You are a blessed and holy gift this world desperately needs. Amen. And so it is.
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The other day, I stumbled upon an article that spoke about those who still support the current administration. The essence of the article explained that many of those who still support it are driven by hatred and don’t care about anything the administration does or says. As a result, using logic to persuade them to change won’t work.
That stopped me in my tracks.
As I’ve been sending light and love out to those supporters in my meditation, I thought. Then, what is it that I can do? I immediately realized that beneath that hatred lies someone who is incredibly hurt and afraid. Perhaps that person grew up with a parent who passed their hatred on to them, or hurt them so badly that the seed of hatred was planted and grew as they faced hardships and disappointments in their life.
Again: so what can I do?
In this morning’s meditation, I visualized going up to them, and giving them a hug. I even imagined them squirming and lashing out as I continued to hug them. And then ultimately, letting go, releasing their anger, and crying. And I extended the hug to all around the world driven by hate.
Now, admittedly, I would likely struggle if I faced that person in reality. Sadly, as I watch TV and hear people spouting their hatred, I get angry, and even have to leave the room. So, for now, I give them a virtual hug, sending them love, and healing.
Finally, I want to acknowledge everyone who is challenging the words and actions of the administration with protests, who stand up to prejudice, greed, and injustice. One caution: As best as you can, let love drive your words and actions.
Blessings, peace, and a hug to you all.
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Busy and full days in 2025. I’m halfway through the first edit of book 2 of my spiritual fantasy series, tentatively titled ‘Revelations and Reckonings: Journey of a Spirit Healer. I received a few messages over the last month from my divine advisors that I wanted to share: Attend; Recognize your power but release control; and Feel and share the light.
Share the Light
Attend
Attend to your body: Does your body need special care right now? More rest? Are you working too hard?
Attend to your spirit: Is your psyche stretched to the limit with all that’s happening today. Is constant and chaotic news dragging you down, or causing you to be angry with others. Take time to reconnect to your divine self and feel the love and support of your guardian angel, guides, and God.
Recognize your power but release control
In the face of actions by the current U.S. administration, it’s easy to feel powerless. But we are not. We carry innate power not only as citizens, but by virtue of enfleshing the divine: our soul. Really take that in. Connect with the fullness of who you are, and feel the strength of all divine beings.
With that power comes the invitation to your part, whatever you identify that to be. But it also comes with a reminder to release control of the outcome. I know that’s difficult to do. And that leads me to the last message.
Feel and share the Light
Each day, experience the light that is your divine essence. A friend shared a practice that might help: while walking outside on a sunny day, imagine you have wings extended outward. Feel the light and warmth falling on them being absorbed into the depth of your being, strengthening you and helping you live your truest self. Then, throughout the day, radiate that light to all in our country and world. A practice I’ve added is to find childhood pictures of those currently in leadership. I imagine them to be hurting, scared children, desperately yearning for love and acceptance. By sending them light and love, my hope is that these children, now inner children inside the adult, experience a change and remember the best selves they are called to be.
Attend; Recognize your power but release control; Feel and share the light
Those are the messages I received. I radiate light and love to you as you bring your true self forward into the world.
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Remember Your Divine You 