Tragedies and blessings – how do you wrap your head, heart, and spirit around them, especially when they happen within a few days of each other?
Three weeks ago, I was preparing to attend a retreat. I had signed up for it without knowing the primary speaker. It didn’t make sense. But my guides, God, and the angels agreed that I should attend. I was looking forward to discovering what had drawn me to it.
Six days later, two days before the retreat, I learned that my niece and nephew’s second son, Bennett, just 6 months old, suddenly died. Bennett was a healthy and happy child. No words can describe the anguish that my niece and nephew are going through, not to mention that of his older brother. How can anyone wrap their heads around such a tragedy?
My husband and I had met Bennett for the first time a few weeks before, and even held him on our laps. What was so striking about him was that when he looked at you, you felt like he was looking into your soul. Watching him being fed by his grandmother (my sister), I believed he would grow into a sensitive, passionate, and even holy man. I looked forward to seeing that happen.
At my niece’s request, the funeral service was just the immediate family. So, I still attended the retreat. I shared about my great nephew’s death. And many came up to me, expressing sorrow, including the retreat leaders, and telling me that they would be praying for Bennett’s family.
During the retreat, through the talks and exercises, I experienced many aha moments about healing and embodying your highest self. They were truly blessings, for which I felt gratitude. Yet, at the same time, images of Bennett’s smiling face would pop into my head as a stark contrast.
So, I return to my original question. How do you wrap your head, heart, and spirit around this? Wasn’t Bennett cheated from being able to embody his highest self? As a spirit healer and someone who talks to the divine daily, you would think that I would have answers. I don’t. Just this morning, I walked by a mother carrying an infant. I imagine my niece doing the same, and feeling a stab to her heart.
While I don’t have answers, I do have some thoughts. First make space for all of the emotions and thoughts that arise, as I am trying to do. Honor any anger, sorrow, confusion, when they come. Even honor any guilt you might have about having a good day. Next, reach out to loved ones to share those emotions. Even scream and yell at God and ask for understanding. And finally, be gentle with yourself, take time away if you can, treat yourself to a sweet (or whatever takes the edge off) if you can’t, and just do your best to get by.
My heart forever goes out to my great nephew Bennett and his family.
Addendum: After publishing this blog, I find myself dissatisfied with my suggestions, even though I do believe in them. What makes this further dissatisfying, much less confusing, is the song that keeps going through my head, Requiem from Dear Evan Hansen. As mentioned elsewhere, I regularly get messages from my guides and angels through music. In this case, what the singers are expressing is so different from what Bennett’s family and my family feels. Is this truly a message? If not, why does it keep popping up? It just doesn’t make sense. What message am I meant to get God, guides, and angels? What healing am I being guided to offer?
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