What is God?

Notice: This blog is about three-times my usual length.

One of my favorite vacations is visiting Hawaii. The reason goes back to when I was working in the software industry. Hawaii, or any place with a beach, represents a location where I can unplug from all schedules and activities. I see myself simply sitting on the beach, with my toes buried in the sand, listening to the waves crash against the shore, reading a book, and occasionally glancing up to see other vacationers reading, sunbathing, walking their dogs, or frolicking in the water.

For the last couple of months, I’ve found myself thinking about energy, God, and us. Through science classes, we’ve learned that all matter is made of energy. So, if I were sitting on the beach now, that would mean that the sand, the water, the sun, my book, the dogs, me, and you, are all matter. The more solid we appear, the slower our energy vibrates.

But what does that mean from a spiritual perspective? Well, in workshops that I’ve attended or books that I’ve read, that covered this topic, the presenter encouraged us to raise our vibration to connect with the divine, like angels, as Kyle Gray (#kylegray) teaches, implying that we access the divine on an energetic level. In a recent conference, Dougall Fraser (#yourlifeincolor) talked about the color of our auric energies, how they reflect our struggles and dreams, and essentially how they align for our good and the highest good.

Now, you may have noticed that my website is called “Remember Your Divine You.” That title is based on my belief that humans are essentially small pieces of God’s essence incarnated to earth, that many people call the soul. Might our souls be energy vibrating at an incredibly fast rate?

And now I’m finally getting to my original question, what is God? Many might say that God is love. Our course, I would agree. But, is there something underneath that? I mean, if our soul is energy, then wouldn’t that mean that God is energy too, and vibrating at an incredible rate, perhaps even infinitely fast? Now, if I raised this question with my catechism teacher, when I was a child, I might have been accused of sacrilege, to even speculate that the creator of all is “just” energy. Yet intuition doesn’t think it’s sacrilege.

Bear with me a bit longer. So, if we’re energy and God is energy, then the angels are also energy. Kyle Gray describes God as the heart, and the angels as the heartbeats. For me, that translates to angels being energetic expressions of God, like Archangel Raphael reflecting a healing God, and Archangel Michael reflecting a protecting God, to name two.

At the same conference, where I heard Dougall Fraser speak, two members of my spiritual group heard Sunny Dawn Johnston (#sunnydawnjohnston) explain that angels each have their own unique frequency. I found myself thinking that if angels are energetic expressions of God, with a unique frequency, might not each of us (aka, our souls) as energetic expressions of God, also vibrate with our own unique frequency? If so, does that mean that we exhibit a unique aspect of God, like the angels? And, does this uniqueness form the basis for our particular purpose or calling in life? I think so.

I know. This is a lot of speculation. I don’t know anything with certainty. All of this is based on my experiences, studies, intuition, and basically my connection to God, angels, and spirit guides.

I’m coming to the end. I promise. With all of this speculation, I also find myself channeling my preaching teacher in the seminary. “What,” he might ask me, “is a practical application of all of this for your readers’ everyday lives?” Well, first, as we await the results of the mid-term elections, most of us have likely seen the continuing division within our country, not to mention our world. And I’m not just thinking about division between people but essentially the division between us and the planet (aka global warming).

My speculation challenges us to remember that at our soul level we are all of the same essence. This further challenges us to create a connection with those with whom we differ, in other words, build bridges. I must admit that I find this especially difficult when faced with people who inflict harm and even death on others, whether it’s through greed, misuse of power, violence, and so on. While I believe that all of that harmful behavior comes from the hurt, fear, and anger of traumas that these folks have experienced, it’s still hard to see their divine essence that seems hidden underneath. Yet, as a spirit healer, my unique vibration in this life is to somehow shine light on the shadows created by that trauma to enable them to remember who they are, and thus shine their own light.

As we discover our unique vibration, when we look out to people, animals, the earth, and yes, even the entire universe, may we eventually and ultimately see the beautiful, colorful, and holy kaleidoscope of energy that we call life.


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You are a unique creator

You are a unique creator of light; we are unique creators in light.

I woke up unsettled this morning, an aftermath of writing my last blog. After breakfast, I took a walk. It was a gray morning and reflected my mood. A few moments in, song lyrics from the “Come From Away” musical popped into my head – “Out of the darkness… into the light.” It felt like a reminder that light was present even if I couldn’t see or feel it. Listening to more lyrics, I came upon one character, who upon seeing a couple fearfully clutching their Bible because they did not understand what was happening, ask to borrow their Bible and showed them a passage from Philippians 4:6, “Be anxious for nothing.” These too felt like a message from the divine.

As I bathed in the words, they brought me some peace and a reminder of my calling to serve. It felt like an invitation to create something unique out of these experiences and offer that to others. In fact, I believe that through our own experiences, and the way we handle our struggles and successes, we are all unique creators of light. Even if a path is shared by others, it is still unique because who you are.

I’m currently writing a fantasy novel. The primary character, Thom, is a spirit healer. As I write about the Thom growing into his gifts, what is so freeing is that I get to create what I want, including his encounters, learnings, and challenges. It flows from me naturally because of who I am and who I aspire to be. This freedom also applies to my life, I can create what I want, which is unique to me, and that may help others.

The same is true for you. Each day, you get to write/live your story based on who you are and who you aspire to be. You have the opportunity to create something new and beautiful because of how you uniquely experience and learn from your challenges and blessings. And as you bathe in this newly created light, you offer the same light to those around you. From the same Philippians passage (the Jerusalem Bible), …”if there is anything you need, pray for it, …, and that peace of God [higher power], which is so much greater than we can understand, will guard your hearts and thoughts…”


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Tragedies and blessings

Tragedies and blessings – how do you wrap your head, heart, and spirit around them, especially when they happen within a few days of each other?

Three weeks ago, I was preparing to attend a retreat. I had signed up for it without knowing the primary speaker. It didn’t make sense. But my guides, God, and the angels agreed that I should attend. I was looking forward to discovering what had drawn me to it.

Six days later, two days before the retreat, I learned that my niece and nephew’s second son, Bennett, just 6 months old, suddenly died. Bennett was a healthy and happy child. No words can describe the anguish that my niece and nephew are going through, not to mention that of his older brother. How can anyone wrap their heads around such a tragedy?

My husband and I had met Bennett for the first time a few weeks before, and even held him on our laps. What was so striking about him was that when he looked at you, you felt like he was looking into your soul. Watching him being fed by his grandmother (my sister), I believed he would grow into a sensitive, passionate, and even holy man. I looked forward to seeing that happen.

At my niece’s request, the funeral service was just the immediate family. So, I still attended the retreat. I shared about my great nephew’s death. And many came up to me, expressing sorrow, including the retreat leaders, and telling me that they would be praying for Bennett’s family.

During the retreat, through the talks and exercises, I experienced many aha moments about healing and embodying your highest self. They were truly blessings, for which I felt gratitude. Yet, at the same time, images of Bennett’s smiling face would pop into my head as a stark contrast.

So, I return to my original question. How do you wrap your head, heart, and spirit around this? Wasn’t Bennett cheated from being able to embody his highest self? As a spirit healer and someone who talks to the divine daily, you would think that I would have answers. I don’t. Just this morning, I walked by a mother carrying an infant. I imagine my niece doing the same, and feeling a stab to her heart.

While I don’t have answers, I do have some thoughts. First make space for all of the emotions and thoughts that arise, as I am trying to do. Honor any anger, sorrow, confusion, when they come. Even honor any guilt you might have about having a good day. Next, reach out to loved ones to share those emotions. Even scream and yell at God and ask for understanding. And finally, be gentle with yourself, take time away if you can, treat yourself to a sweet (or whatever takes the edge off) if you can’t, and just do your best to get by.

My heart forever goes out to my great nephew Bennett and his family.


Addendum: After publishing this blog, I find myself dissatisfied with my suggestions, even though I do believe in them. What makes this further dissatisfying, much less confusing, is the song that keeps going through my head, Requiem from Dear Evan Hansen. As mentioned elsewhere, I regularly get messages from my guides and angels through music. In this case, what the singers are expressing is so different from what Bennett’s family and my family feels. Is this truly a message? If not, why does it keep popping up? It just doesn’t make sense. What message am I meant to get God, guides, and angels? What healing am I being guided to offer?


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Two Gifts

I recently received two gifts from the divine.

The first happened last week. I found myself thinking about my connection to my divine teachers, but not feeling their love. I wished I could feel it. Immediately, they reminded me of my meditation video about connecting with them, and suggested that I take that to the next level with love.

So, I brought to mind what I feel when my husband looks at me with a twinkle in his eyes and ones that glow with love. As I I feel that love in my heart and gut, I apply it to my divine teachers. Coming from a childhood where I was mostly taught to fear God, feeling this love is such a gift. So, I’d invite you to try this.

The second occurred yesterday while listening to Radleigh Valentine, a spiritual teacher who spoke at a workshop I’m attending. He said that when he faces challenges, he relies on his determination not to be defeated and his faith. His faith is based on knowing that his divine guides support him, as evidenced by the signs and synchronicities that he’s previously received from them. On hearing that, I felt like Saint Paul, from Christian scriptures, when he was knocked off his horse.

In college, my faith underwent an incredible transformation to one that became personal and joyous, and based on a loving God. After leaving my Catholic faith because some of its beliefs no longer resonated, I basically forgot about faith. Radleigh’s words rekindled an old flame. Like him, I have had signs and messages from my divine teachers. Approaching faith like Radleigh brought me full circle, back to something so precious, and one that I can tap into when I face challenges.  This morning, in fact, during meditation, Archangel Sandalphon gave me a wonderful phrase – grounded in faith – that helps me feel grounded, knowing that due to faith, my divine teachers are right beside me enabling me to release my worries.

If your beliefs have undergone changes, but you feel a little uncertain about your new direction, reimagine your faith to one based on the support and signs you’ve already received from God and your divine help.

Two gifts for me; and I hope two gifts for you too.


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From a fear of God to a Divine connection

Growing up Catholic, I was taught about fearing God, often at the expense of teachings about a loving God.  From my theological studies, I know that the original Hebrew words, that were translated into fear, could also mean awe, reverence, and respect. The sad result of translating them as fear for me and so many others is that God and even Jesus became unreachable because our feelings of fear turned into feelings of unworthiness and separateness.

From my counseling studies, and from personal experience, I know that a fearful person closes down to protect him or herself from harm. When felt in relation to the divine, in effect, that person is protecting themself from God and thus limiting their ability to feel love and support.

Various spiritual teachers have talked about how fear can hinder our connection to the divine. In his book, Angels Whisper in My Ear, Kyle Gray writes about people pleading for help from angels but feeling like they are hitting a wall. I suspect that often desperation and fear underly that. And believe me, I know that from personal experience too. Now, you never want to imply someone’s feelings are wrong, because they aren’t. They just are. However, if you let the fear or desperation be in control, you are more limited because you are closed down. Kyle suggests that rather than pleading for help with angels, expect help from them, because that in fact is their role. I love that idea because it sort of turns things around – both recognizing your feelings but also acknowledging that you are more than your feelings.  This in turn, opens you up for a deeper connection with the divine, including feeling their support.

Recently, I became aware that I still have some walls up with the divine, even though I chat with God, guides, and angels, every day. I likely built those walls in response to childhood fears. While the walls served me as a child, as an adult they only limit my connection with the divine and my use of my spiritual gifts. I’m still puzzling through the nature of those walls with my divine teachers. But without a doubt, I know that as these walls start to crumble, my connection will deepen exponentially.

My wish and prayer for all of you who were taught to fear God is that you can release that limiting belief, and truly feel your innate connection with the divine and their support, enabling your gifts to more fully emerge.


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You don’t have to do everything

As a workaholic and perfectionist in recovery, I developed a habit of pushing myself hard to do everything. After years of therapy and twelve-step work, I learned mostly to let go of that. When it comes to living my calling as a healer of the spirit, I must admit that it still creeps in. For example, I may sign up for a workshop even though it wouldn’t work well with my schedule, because I falsely believed I wasn’t doing enough.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Repeatedly, in talking to my guides and God, I’ve been reminded to trust them. Recently though, I realized that for the most part my trust was somewhat limited to acknowledging their support and love. It didn’t include understanding that I don’t have to do this calling alone in terms of actions. While I must take actions, and do, like attend workshops, write blogs, and so on, I must also believe that my guides and God are taking actions on my behalf. In other words, it’s not 100% on my shoulders.

Have you been in a similar situation, believing that God or your guides support you, but think that it all rests on you? As part of our calling, we are asked to let go and allow them to do too.

So, what might they do? While they certainly can’t submit applications or a resume, if you are looking for a new job, they can bring your attention to opportunities or people that might make your work easier. For example, a friend might mention work that you hadn’t thought about or note a skill you have that is marketable. For me, as I continue living and learning as a healer of the spirit, it might be directing a spiritual teacher my way or a potential client.

The bottom line is that I and you are part of a team with God and our guides. So, we don’t have to do everything by ourselves.

Peace and blessings to everyone.

The Story Tells It All

This is a different kind of post for me. Two nights ago, in a dream, a group of us had to tell the story of the creation of earth and life by decorating hard hats, attaching them to the ceiling of a room, and presenting them to a panel of sages. When it was my turn to present, I believed that my hats were “lame” in comparison to the others. I thought that I had to compensate by making up a story. My first hat depicted the creation of mountains and my second the emergence of plants, animals and humans. As I was sharing the story, though, I felt like I was channeling Mother Earth and the divine, which was confirmed when I heard the message that “the story tells it all.”

I never presented my third and fourth hard hats, nor do I recall what they looked like. But, as I was coming awake, I had the feeling of great potential but also uncertainty, and that the earth and life were at a turning point.  One direction would tap into great potential and result in wonders. The other would lead to collapse and devastation. Soon after I realized that the odd use of hard hats in my dream made a kind of poetic sense as they are worn by construction workers who build up or tear down.

I felt like Mother Earth was sending a message to me and all of us, In fact, Mother Earth gave me a precursor of this through Michael Jackson’s Earth Song that I stumbled upon a couple weeks ago while watching “The Voice” auditions. With the evidence of global warming so apparent all over the world, given the changing weather, droughts, hurricanes, and so on, we’re at a turning point to determine how our future evolves.

As a healer of the spirit, my calling must include healing the earth through my actions and my attitudes. So I am being challenged to determine what my contribution to the story will be to ensure that our future is wondrous.  What will your contribution be?

Intuition – touching the divine (3/28/21)

Towards the end of my meditation this morning, I realized that I wanted to chat with God. In college, I started having daily chats with God and found them very important in getting to know God and myself. For the last couple years, though, I’ve been chatting more with my spirit guides. Simply put, I missed my God chats.

So, after greeting God this morning, I told God that I just wanted to check in. I didn’t have a particular topic to talk about though. However, my casual chat quickly morphed into talking about the confusing messages that God and my guides sent me recently in my dreams. Because aspects of them repeated, I knew they were important but I couldn’t figure them out. I had previously told my guides that if they wanted me to get something, they needed to be clearer. I must also admit that I was worried that I was letting them down.

What I came to understand from God this morning was that these dreams are part of their training of my intuition. While my intuition is developed, it still needs refining and deepening, because I often default to my mind to figure things out. So God was inviting me to let my mind rest and just be open to learning.

As our conversation progressed, I came to understand that through my intuition I am touching the divine. Touching the divine! What a powerful and rich idea. That truly blows my mind, which ironically reflects God invitation. By listening to my intuition, I am connecting to my divine self, my spirit guides, God, and all others in that divine realm. And by living through my intuition, I am truly being with them.  

At the end of the chat, I felt greater attuned to the divine, more grounded, more full and just plain grateful.

Vatican’s decision about gay unions (3/16/21)

Yesterday, the Vatican, or the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, pronounced that priests cannot bless gay unions because they are considered a sin, as they are not objectively ordered or words to that effect.

As a gay man and a former Catholic priest, I am saddened, a little angry, but not surprised. Growing up Catholic, I was taught that being gay was a sin and intrinsically disordered. As I wrote in my story, pronouncements like that contributed to my low self-esteem, even before I came out. As a priest, it was hard to be part of a church that would not celebrate and honor love between two people of the same sex, whereas time and again, I would see opposite gender couples taking marriage casually.

What further saddens me is that Pope Francis, a pope who has been loving and accepting of gay people, approved of the statement. Again, I say I am not surprised. A number of church teachings, along with theological writings and scriptural interpretation, have led him and others in leadership positions to a narrow view of God, and humanity in relationship to God.

As a gay man, married to a wonderful husband, not only do I not believe that I or my marriage are a sin, I believe they are richly blessed. In fact, having been married for more than two decades now, my relationship with my husband has helped make me a better person. If I had been married while I was a priest, the ministry I did with couples especially would have been so much more rich and real.

To LGBTQ people who choose to remain Catholic, I send you my love and support. Know that you/we are all blessed people, and blessed by God, as we chose to be born into our current lives knowing that we might face discrimination, even from religious leaders who are called to be vehicles of love and acceptance.

Handling a bad day (2/20/21)

As a person on a spiritual path, connected with God or your guides, have you ever had a bad day, and felt disappointed and discouraged?

I certainly have. At times I’ve even wanted to climb back into bed and pull the covers over my head. For me, the hardest days are those when I feel like I’m failing in my calling. I look to others who seem to be clearly living out their spiritual calling, and find myself lacking. The key for me is to first remind myself that even though I know who I am, I may still have these days simply because I’m human.

So, when I turn to my guides and God, I don’t look to them to take my feelings away (most times) but to honor, make space for them, and be open to understanding what they mean. Admittedly, during these times, I don’t always feel connected to my guides. But I do try recall those times when I did feel connected and when they did provide guidance and support. That can give me a little hope, and help me look for their help in other ways, through friends, spiritual readings, music, and other media.

Equally important is that I remind myself to do the best I can. For years, as a perfectionist and workaholic in recovery, I pushed myself and judged myself harshly. After having therapy and spiritual direction, I’m gentler with myself. So, on a bad day I try to adjust my plans, find ways to take care of myself, and limit the impact of my mood on others.

Time and again, my guides have reminded me to trust the unknown, and believe that the answers will come. It’s still not always easy but it does take the edge off usually.