This blog first appeared as a chapter in the collaborative spiritual book, Awaken Your Magic: Real Life Manifestation Journeys, published in early 2024 and available for sale on Amazon.
Note: Unlike my other blog posts, this one is about 1200 words.
“Stop talking!” I mumbled during an online meeting, frustrated it was running past its scheduled end time. Glancing at the microphone icon on the screen, I panicked when I realized it was on. Having worked at this company for twenty years, I realized I remained in my job mainly to pay my bills. It didn’t give me a sense of purpose. I yearned for divine guidance to illuminate the path where I belonged. Have you ever felt trapped in a job like I did?
But let’s backtrack. This job was only one segment on the meandering path I traveled in search of my purpose. Some might have called it chaotic. Reflecting on it, I want to share the five signposts that were turning points and opportunities for change.
Signpost 1: The Stranger
I was pursuing my Master’s degree in engineering when a friend approached me with a request. Host his friend for a few days. The prospect of entertaining a stranger terrified me. I wasn’t someone who took risks. Because I always felt different throughout childhood, I tried to blend into the background. My dislike of sports further isolated me, resulting in bullying and the gradual erosion of my self-esteem. A skewed understanding of God as a judge compounded my struggle. My friend’s request became my first signpost. I would have declined had I not recalled my faith’s instruction to welcome the stranger.
One night, my guest introduced me to the Catholic Charismatic Renewal, which celebrates their faith through song, prayer, and praise in tongues. Intrigued, I attended one of their meetings and witnessed people excited about their faith and convinced of God’s unconditional love. Although their belief didn’t make sense, I yearned for their experience and decided to join.
Over the next nine months, I underwent a renewal. Not only did I begin to feel God’s love, but I also discovered a new form of prayer: chatting with God. I had never thought prayer could be anything but formulaic. With this renewal came a feeling of joy I had never known. If anyone had come by my office during those months, they would have heard me enthusiastically belting out songs by Amy Grant, a Christian singer, and concluded I’d lost my mind. Out of my transformation grew a desire for others to experience the same.
Signpost 2: The Call
With that desire came a call to the priesthood, the next signpost. I felt excited about putting my passion into action as a priest. However, my excitement waned when I began applying to the diocesan seminary. Sitting in the chapel building on campus, I felt my head swirling with doubts. Had I misread the signpost? Sharing my confusion with God, I pleaded, “Could you send someone to me with whom I could talk?”
Minutes later, two friends walked in. My mouth dropped open when they told me they were returning from a vocational retreat sponsored by the Paulist Fathers. God had heard my plea. I felt a spark ignite in my heart when they shared that this community of priests dedicated their lives to helping people find healing, connection, and meaning. The spark became a roaring fire when I discovered its founders emphasized the importance of each person following the guidance of the Holy Spirit wherever it might lead. That aligned with my own belief, fully resonating with me. Without hesitation, I applied, and they accepted me.
Through the ensuing formation years, I experienced tremendous growth. My bond with God strengthened through the study of theology and scripture. Therapy also played a pivotal role as emotional wounds began to heal, which resulted in me acknowledging my identity as a gay man. A bishop ordained me and my classmates at the end of my sixth year, and my purpose seemed clear.
Signpost 3: The Hiccup
I was on vacation from my assignment to my second parish when I experienced a hiccup with my purpose. On the second day, an unexpected desire for an intimate relationship surfaced. Despite my attempts to ignore it, the feeling kept returning, as hiccups often do. This new signpost took the form of two questions:Is my desire so vital I must leave the priesthood? Or can I set it aside and remain a celibate priest? Intuitively, I knew I needed time away to consider them. God sent signs confirming this when I found an apartment and a job in the software industry within two weeks of leaving. This job was similar to the one I mentioned at the beginning of my article.
Unfortunately, those questions led to three more. How could I leave a community I loved and with whom I had made a lifetime commitment? Could I even find someone to date? If I didn’t return, what about my call to serve, which was as strong as ever? Guilt and fear weighed heavily on me. Months into the leave, I met the man to whom I’d give my heart and marry five years later. Having decided not to return to the priesthood, I was back to square one, wondering about my purpose.
Signpost 4: The Search
Thus, the search for my purpose resumed. I considered options like volunteering or working in the non-profit sector. Both felt wrong. At a therapeutic retreat, an offhand remark became the next signpost: You could be a therapist. An online search led me to a degree program with a spiritual emphasis. Not only was the university ten minutes away, but my boss supported a flexible work schedule. I knew God played a role there.
Midway through my final year, while seeing clients as a therapist trainee, a stark realization hit me. My classmates showed a passion for this work I lacked. I realized this was not my path, but I still decided to complete the degree. I must admit that by then, I was frustrated. I’d pursued four professions but had yet to find my life’s purpose. “Come on, God,” I complained. Thirteen more years went by before the next signpost appeared.
Signpost 5: The Pink Slip
Getting laid off was a blow. I felt angry and betrayed. However, unlike me, God and my other divine advisors saw this as an opportunity. Aware I had diligently saved for retirement, a few years away, they suggested I create a new profession. My response: “Are you crazy? You want me to make something up?” Their persistent encouragement, almost bordering on harassment, prompted me to ask how, albeit reluctantly. They advised me to look for moments of passion.
Three stood out. The first took me back to graduate school and my desire for others to experience God’s love as I did. The second occurred at the counseling center while a therapist trainee. In a conversation with a staff member, I felt my passion bubble over as I shared my desire with her. The therapeutic retreat revealed the third moment when its founder expressed her belief that I had the qualities of a spiritual healer.
Today
My identity as a spirit healer is still evolving. At its core is my belief that each person must forge a path that resonates with them, regardless of whether they believe in a divine entity. My commitment to helping others heal brokenness, rediscover their blessedness, and uncover their purpose stems from this belief. A website, monthly blogs, and a spiritual fantasy, which is currently in development, are the manifestations of that commitment.
Looking back, I’m grateful for the twists and turns of my meandering path. Each signpost marked a crucial juncture, built upon what came before. Will there be more signposts? Of course. These unknown moments will also likely come with doubt and fear. But my divine advisors encourage me to embrace the unknown and be open to the miracles ahead.
Back to your search for purpose. If you’re already living it, congratulations. Enjoy it. If not, try to believe your life is building towards it. Search within and identify your passion; that’s the magic. Inevitably, magic manifests.
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Remember Your Divine You 