Has a song ever come on the radio, on your playlist, over the speakers in a mall, and you find your body starting to move to the song’s beat at its own accord? It’s such a freeing and wonderful feeling to just let your body move as it wants.

For many, we develop a certain beat or rhythm to our lives, like the time we get up in the morning, when we eat, and what we do during the day. Now that it’s about a week past my last day at my job after my layoff, I find myself in need of a new beat. Over the last years, I developed a rhythm to my days, with my weekdays molded around my work, start and stop times, and recurring department meetings. My weekends were organized around down time, handling household tasks, and perhaps seeing friends.

What happens when there’s a significant life change, whether from being laid off, moving to a new town, experiencing the death of a loved one, and even the pandemic? These changes can be destabilizing and uncomfortable.  In response, some might want to rush to create a new rhythm to avoid the discomfort. I’ve been there myself.

This time, for me, I want to let my spirit find the new rhythm naturally. Aware of the tasks ahead of me, my goals, and even my dreams, I’m trying to stay in the present, and trust my guides and God that a new beat or rhythm will emerge; one that resonates with my spirit and allows it to thrive.

So, that means being uncomfortable. As mentioned in other blogs, for so long I relied solely on my mind. So, the challenge to me and to you, if you are facing a disruption, is to live with the discomfort and let the new rhythm evolve naturally.

Like, Gloria Estefan sang many years ago, “the rhythm is gonna get you.”

Addendum: I woke up in the middle of the night following my posting this blog and Calum Scott’s song, ”Rhythm Inside, ” was going through my head. While the song is about finding love, for me, it’s also about letting your new rhythm arise, and moving to that rhythm as you live and love. Ironically, last night before I went to sleep I prayed to my visit my guides wanting to visit with them while I slept. This is one thing that emerged.

An odd title for my blog, but it struck me as a good metaphor for life as I watched a Christmas movie set on a train. Through the trip, passengers experienced joy and despair, frustration and hope, connection and disconnection. As is typical in these movies something unexpected happens that throws plans awry, in this case a storm which literally stopped the train on the tracks. At the end of the movie, one character muses that the train trip is not just about the destination but the journey as well.

Looking back over my life, in my journey to be a healer of the spirit, I have been reminded that it is a both/and experience. I am both a student learning what a healer of the spirit is, and a teacher, living as a healer in my interactions, blog writings, and more. Coming to this understanding took time. As a trained engineer, for a good part of my life I focused on the destination and wanted to get there as quickly as possible. By narrowly focusing on the destination, though, I was missing out on living the present and experiencing all it has to offer.

Over the last two years, the pandemic became an opportunity to slow down and experience each moment. Like the train passengers, the moments included frustration, resentment, and depression but also excitement, joy, and passion. Likewise, I’ve had my own “storms that stopped me in my tracks,” as it were, most notably being laid off and having a stroke. Gratefully, I was able to use them as moments to reassess how I was living. Was I putting my energy to what was most important and meaningful?

What has your journey been like over these last years? Have you been only focused on the destination? Have you been able to turn moments of disruption into opportunities to reassess your goal and even your dreams? Likely some of the disruption might have been caused by pain, hurt, and loss. It’s important that you honor those feelings. I do believe, though, that from them can come new perspectives that pave the way to unexpected opportunities.

As you travel your train of life, may you know that you are not alone, as others travel with you, even as they travel on their own.

It’s been almost a month since my last post. Since then, I’ve had various tests to understand the impact of my small stroke. It’s been stressful, as each test approached and the results came in. The news seems promising. I’m grateful for how things are turning out, as I know others whose lives have been drastically changed after their stroke.

A repeated message I’ve received from my guides through this time has been to let it all go. Let go of worries about my health, about advancing my calling as a healer of the spirit, and about my job. This letting it all go message was and is calling me to be fully present in each moment of each day.

For most of my life, as a trauma survivor, I lived alert to possible future dangers in order to avoid them. Many years of therapy and spiritual work have brought much healing. These last two months though have challenged me to go to the next level of being fully present by letting the moment take the lead.

So, what does that look like? It means not planning my activities or goals for the day in any kind of rigid way. It means sensing into each moment for what I am drawn to do or not do. Is the moment leading me to step away from my computer and take a walk? Is the moment leading me to do nothing, literally just sitting quietly? Is the moment leading me to write a blog post? As you can tell, that hasn’t happened often recently. Ultimately, it’s about trusting God, my guides, and in truth, my deepest self (a.k.a my divine self) and letting life unfold as it will.

It’s not always easy to let it all go and trust. However, I’ve noticed in the weeks that I’ve let the moment take the lead, that I am able to relax more, and be more present to others, myself, and life.

The last two months have been challenging. I was laid off from my job in mid-May. Although, it’s not effective until the end of the year. Then, in early June, I passed out twice at a family event and only learned a few weeks ago that it was a small stroke. Needless to say I felt varied emotions over these few months. About my job, I felt resentment, anger, and sadness. Add on to that feelings of fear and confusion associated with the stroke.

For the most part, I have been wonderfully supported and loved during this time. My family and friends have helped in ways too numerous to list, for which I am very grateful. My husband is handling household chores and errands that we used to share, not to mention him having to cope with his own emotions around my stroke. My spirit guides and God have been less helpful than I would have liked. I looked to them for understanding, but I haven’t gotten a lot of details. Their continual message of trust has left me feeling a bit alone at times and admittedly resentful.

All of this has resulted in my need to step back and rest, even around my healer of the spirit calling. It’s not always easy. Since I launched this site back in January, I felt on a roll with writing, attending workshops, and taking risks as a healer of the spirit. So, I’ve had to set some things on the back burner as I move through this time.

With my health still uncertain, I’m essentially being forced to really appreciate each moment and each day, without planning for the future. That’s a good thing. And daily, I’m still being reminded to trust God, my doctors, Michael, friends, and just let go.

So, I’m left with a number of unknowns and learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, especially as I have further medical tests scheduled about my health situation.

Perhaps some of you have been in a similar situation with your career, relationships, or even health. To use the twelve step phrase, it’s truly about embracing one day at a time.

In a “Time Traveler’s Guide to the Universe” workshop that I’m currently taking with Denise Linn, Dr. Brand Fortner, and others, Denise said the following:

“Sometimes for new growth, you need chaos.“

That statement stopped me in my tracks.

I work in the software industry that is in constant flux. New products and strategies are regularly being developed. At times, it feels like I’m perpetually juggling my work. In addition, throughout this whole pandemic, as medical folks learned more about COVID-19, their understanding and guidelines changed, requiring us to make perpetual adjustments to our activities. It’s often felt chaotic and overwhelming. Perhaps you’ve felt the same.

I’ve always viewed being overwhelmed as a bad thing because it felt crappy. In these situations, my focus became re-prioritizing my work and activities, and setting boundaries and expectations about what I could and couldn’t do. The goal was to get over the overwhelmed feeling as quickly as possible. Rather than thinking of those times as something negative, Denise’s statement challenges me to see chaos as a vehicle of growth and therefore positive.

So how might it be positive? Well, as I often equate chaos with feeling out of control, perhaps the growth area is acknowledging, again (<chagrin>) that I don’t control everything. Equally important, though, is viewing the chaos as fertile ground through which new and unexpected opportunities can appear. For much of my life, as a result of feeling unsafe, I became hypervigilant to protect myself. That didn’t leave much space for anything new.

So, Denise’s statement challenges me to let the uncomfortable feeling of chaos be, and invite my spiritual guides and God to plant seeds into that ground to help me grow and expand. Just as the universe expands, as learned from the workshop, so too, I believe that there are more possibilities out there that I can currently conceive.

What do you think? I invite you to post your own thoughts.

Blog Addendum – May 18, 2021

As mentioned elsewhere, my guides and God send messages and support via songs. When I took my daily walk this morning, two songs about living your dreams popped into my head. One from the Greatest Showman musical, and, believe it or not, the other from the Lizzie McGuire movie. The line in the Lizzie McGuire song was “Hey now, this is what dreams are made of.” Reflecting on John Connors’ comments to this blog made me realize that in pursuing your dreams, there may be challenges and perhaps even pain involved. I’m experiencing that now with my job situation. And that’s as much as part of the dream as the successes and synchronicities we experience as we pursue it. Thanks John for your wisdom.