Attuning to your experiences (3/20/21)

Joe2 Comments

I woke up at 4 am last night (the time people sometimes get spiritual messages) hearing a clear message that as I share my understandings, I must always start with sharing how my experiences led to them. What I share is not the result of an intellectual exercise but from tuning into my intuition and feelings about each experience. When I wrote about choosing your incarnation, I focused more on my ideas. So, I wanted to write a bit about the role of experience.

All of my beliefs and understandings are grounded in my experiences. For each, I identify what feelings come up, and what it reveals about me and my place in the world. I also consider if there is something to learn from it, especially in terms of future decisions. While my mind certainly plays a part in understanding my reactions, it is in service to the experience.

Let me give you an example. Some years back, I attended a 10-day therapeutic retreat to help heal some lingering traumas and let go of limiting beliefs. This was after I left the priesthood, still feeling my calling to serve, but unsure about how to live it out. During a session break, after telling the director about this, she took my hands in hers, looked me in the eyes, and said, Joe, you are a spiritual healer. My body, mind, and spirit instantly responded. I felt energized and relieved. I knew, at the deepest level, that that was my calling. That one experience led me to where I am today and creating my website.

Our experiences are the source of what we believe and how we live. As such, I’d invite you to take some time to attune to yours. Reflect on them, and how they shape you and form your beliefs. Then, assess whether they confirm your current direction, call you to make different choices, or even challenge you to try something new. Doing so can lead you to interesting places.

Vatican’s decision about gay unions (3/16/21)

Joe1 Comment

Yesterday, the Vatican, or the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, pronounced that priests cannot bless gay unions because they are considered a sin, as they are not objectively ordered or words to that effect.

As a gay man and a former Catholic priest, I am saddened, a little angry, but not surprised. Growing up Catholic, I was taught that being gay was a sin and intrinsically disordered. As I wrote in my story, pronouncements like that contributed to my low self-esteem, even before I came out. As a priest, it was hard to be part of a church that would not celebrate and honor love between two people of the same sex, whereas time and again, I would see opposite gender couples taking marriage casually.

What further saddens me is that Pope Francis, a pope who has been loving and accepting of gay people, approved of the statement. Again, I say I am not surprised. A number of church teachings, along with theological writings and scriptural interpretation, have led him and others in leadership positions to a narrow view of God, and humanity in relationship to God.

As a gay man, married to a wonderful husband, not only do I not believe that I or my marriage are a sin, I believe they are richly blessed. In fact, having been married for more than two decades now, my relationship with my husband has helped make me a better person. If I had been married while I was a priest, the ministry I did with couples especially would have been so much more rich and real.

To LGBTQ people who choose to remain Catholic, I send you my love and support. Know that you/we are all blessed people, and blessed by God, as we chose to be born into our current lives knowing that we might face discrimination, even from religious leaders who are called to be vehicles of love and acceptance.

Letting someone take care of you (3/6/21)

JoeLeave a comment

You would think that as a healer of the spirit, and dedicated to being of service, that I would have no difficulties letting someone take care of me. Wrong. I feel guilt. Even after years of therapy, it’s not always easy. My guilt comes from a lingering belief that I have to take care of myself and that I have no right to ask others for help because it would inconvenience them.

Recently, I was having radiation treatment on my left hand to lessen the impact of an inherited condition. I was told to avoid hot water for a month. Well, in my family, my husband is the primary cook and I clean the dishes. It’s a bit hard to wash stubborn pots with warm water with one hand. When I told my husband about my restriction, he was fully onboard with washing the dishes and cooking.

For the first few days of the treatment, it was challenging for me to see him doing both. You might wonder why I didn’t take over the cooking. Well, the truth is that I’m not the best cook.

So, what did I do? First, I reminded myself that being in a relationship means letting your spouse care for you when you can’t. I have certainly done that for Michael. So, that helped lessen my guilt. More practically, I realized that there were other things I could do, like putting away the dishes, ironing his clothes, paying our bills, and doing other chores that we normally shared.

Still, I do wonder how I would feel if I couldn’t take on any chores for a time and Michael had to do everything. That could be challenging. One day, I believe I will more fully embrace the fact that love means being able to let others care for you when you can’t do so yourself.

Handling a bad day (2/20/21)

Joe2 Comments

As a person on a spiritual path, connected with God or your guides, have you ever had a bad day, and felt disappointed and discouraged?

I certainly have. At times I’ve even wanted to climb back into bed and pull the covers over my head. For me, the hardest days are those when I feel like I’m failing in my calling. I look to others who seem to be clearly living out their spiritual calling, and find myself lacking. The key for me is to first remind myself that even though I know who I am, I may still have these days simply because I’m human.

So, when I turn to my guides and God, I don’t look to them to take my feelings away (most times) but to honor, make space for them, and be open to understanding what they mean. Admittedly, during these times, I don’t always feel connected to my guides. But I do try recall those times when I did feel connected and when they did provide guidance and support. That can give me a little hope, and help me look for their help in other ways, through friends, spiritual readings, music, and other media.

Equally important is that I remind myself to do the best I can. For years, as a perfectionist and workaholic in recovery, I pushed myself and judged myself harshly. After having therapy and spiritual direction, I’m gentler with myself. So, on a bad day I try to adjust my plans, find ways to take care of myself, and limit the impact of my mood on others.

Time and again, my guides have reminded me to trust the unknown, and believe that the answers will come. It’s still not always easy but it does take the edge off usually.