As a person on a spiritual path, connected with God or your guides, have you ever had a bad day, and felt disappointed and discouraged?
I certainly have. At times I’ve even wanted to climb back into bed and pull the covers over my head. For me, the hardest days are those when I feel like I’m failing in my calling. I look to others who seem to be clearly living out their spiritual calling, and find myself lacking. The key for me is to first remind myself that even though I know who I am, I may still have these days simply because I’m human.
So, when I turn to my guides and God, I don’t look to them to take my feelings away (most times) but to honor, make space for them, and be open to understanding what they mean. Admittedly, during these times, I don’t always feel connected to my guides. But I do try recall those times when I did feel connected and when they did provide guidance and support. That can give me a little hope, and help me look for their help in other ways, through friends, spiritual readings, music, and other media.
Equally important is that I remind myself to do the best I can. For years, as a perfectionist and workaholic in recovery, I pushed myself and judged myself harshly. After having therapy and spiritual direction, I’m gentler with myself. So, on a bad day I try to adjust my plans, find ways to take care of myself, and limit the impact of my mood on others.
Time and again, my guides have reminded me to trust the unknown, and believe that the answers will come. It’s still not always easy but it does take the edge off usually.
This blog first appeared as a chapter in the collaborative spiritual book, Awaken Your Magic: Real Life Manifestation Journeys, published in early 2024 and available for sale on Amazon.
Note: Unlike my other blog posts, this one is about 1200 words.
“Stop talking!” I mumbled during an online meeting, frustrated it was running past its scheduled end time. Glancing at the microphone icon on the screen, I panicked when I realized it was on. Having worked at this company for twenty years, I realized I remained in my job mainly to pay my bills. It didn’t give me a sense of purpose. I yearned for divine guidance to illuminate the path where I belonged. Have you ever felt trapped in a job like I did?
But let’s backtrack. This job was only one segment on the meandering path I traveled in search of my purpose. Some might have called it chaotic. Reflecting on it, I want to share the five signposts that were turning points and opportunities for change.
Signpost 1: The Stranger
I was pursuing my Master’s degree in engineering when a friend approached me with a request. Host his friend for a few days. The prospect of entertaining a stranger terrified me. I wasn’t someone who took risks. Because I always felt different throughout childhood, I tried to blend into the background. My dislike of sports further isolated me, resulting in bullying and the gradual erosion of my self-esteem. A skewed understanding of God as a judge compounded my struggle. My friend’s request became my first signpost. I would have declined had I not recalled my faith’s instruction to welcome the stranger.
One night, my guest introduced me to the Catholic Charismatic Renewal, which celebrates their faith through song, prayer, and praise in tongues. Intrigued, I attended one of their meetings and witnessed people excited about their faith and convinced of God’s unconditional love. Although their belief didn’t make sense, I yearned for their experience and decided to join.
Over the next nine months, I underwent a renewal. Not only did I begin to feel God’s love, but I also discovered a new form of prayer: chatting with God. I had never thought prayer could be anything but formulaic. With this renewal came a feeling of joy I had never known. If anyone had come by my office during those months, they would have heard me enthusiastically belting out songs by Amy Grant, a Christian singer, and concluded I’d lost my mind. Out of my transformation grew a desire for others to experience the same.
Signpost 2: The Call
With that desire came a call to the priesthood, the next signpost. I felt excited about putting my passion into action as a priest. However, my excitement waned when I began applying to the diocesan seminary. Sitting in the chapel building on campus, I felt my head swirling with doubts. Had I misread the signpost? Sharing my confusion with God, I pleaded, “Could you send someone to me with whom I could talk?”
Minutes later, two friends walked in. My mouth dropped open when they told me they were returning from a vocational retreat sponsored by the Paulist Fathers. God had heard my plea. I felt a spark ignite in my heart when they shared that this community of priests dedicated their lives to helping people find healing, connection, and meaning. The spark became a roaring fire when I discovered its founders emphasized the importance of each person following the guidance of the Holy Spirit wherever it might lead. That aligned with my own belief, fully resonating with me. Without hesitation, I applied, and they accepted me.
Through the ensuing formation years, I experienced tremendous growth. My bond with God strengthened through the study of theology and scripture. Therapy also played a pivotal role as emotional wounds began to heal, which resulted in me acknowledging my identity as a gay man. A bishop ordained me and my classmates at the end of my sixth year, and my purpose seemed clear.
Signpost 3: The Hiccup
I was on vacation from my assignment to my second parish when I experienced a hiccup with my purpose. On the second day, an unexpected desire for an intimate relationship surfaced. Despite my attempts to ignore it, the feeling kept returning, as hiccups often do. This new signpost took the form of two questions:Is my desire so vital I must leave the priesthood? Or can I set it aside and remain a celibate priest? Intuitively, I knew I needed time away to consider them. God sent signs confirming this when I found an apartment and a job in the software industry within two weeks of leaving. This job was similar to the one I mentioned at the beginning of my article.
Unfortunately, those questions led to three more. How could I leave a community I loved and with whom I had made a lifetime commitment? Could I even find someone to date? If I didn’t return, what about my call to serve, which was as strong as ever? Guilt and fear weighed heavily on me. Months into the leave, I met the man to whom I’d give my heart and marry five years later. Having decided not to return to the priesthood, I was back to square one, wondering about my purpose.
Signpost 4: The Search
Thus, the search for my purpose resumed. I considered options like volunteering or working in the non-profit sector. Both felt wrong. At a therapeutic retreat, an offhand remark became the next signpost: You could be a therapist. An online search led me to a degree program with a spiritual emphasis. Not only was the university ten minutes away, but my boss supported a flexible work schedule. I knew God played a role there.
Midway through my final year, while seeing clients as a therapist trainee, a stark realization hit me. My classmates showed a passion for this work I lacked. I realized this was not my path, but I still decided to complete the degree. I must admit that by then, I was frustrated. I’d pursued four professions but had yet to find my life’s purpose. “Come on, God,” I complained. Thirteen more years went by before the next signpost appeared.
Signpost 5: The Pink Slip
Getting laid off was a blow. I felt angry and betrayed. However, unlike me, God and my other divine advisors saw this as an opportunity. Aware I had diligently saved for retirement, a few years away, they suggested I create a new profession. My response: “Are you crazy? You want me to make something up?” Their persistent encouragement, almost bordering on harassment, prompted me to ask how, albeit reluctantly. They advised me to look for moments of passion.
Three stood out. The first took me back to graduate school and my desire for others to experience God’s love as I did. The second occurred at the counseling center while a therapist trainee. In a conversation with a staff member, I felt my passion bubble over as I shared my desire with her. The therapeutic retreat revealed the third moment when its founder expressed her belief that I had the qualities of a spiritual healer.
Today
My identity as a spirit healer is still evolving. At its core is my belief that each person must forge a path that resonates with them, regardless of whether they believe in a divine entity. My commitment to helping others heal brokenness, rediscover their blessedness, and uncover their purpose stems from this belief. A website, monthly blogs, and a spiritual fantasy, which is currently in development, are the manifestations of that commitment.
Looking back, I’m grateful for the twists and turns of my meandering path. Each signpost marked a crucial juncture, built upon what came before. Will there be more signposts? Of course. These unknown moments will also likely come with doubt and fear. But my divine advisors encourage me to embrace the unknown and be open to the miracles ahead.
Back to your search for purpose. If you’re already living it, congratulations. Enjoy it. If not, try to believe your life is building towards it. Search within and identify your passion; that’s the magic. Inevitably, magic manifests.
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I’m being drawn to creating short video blogs instead of a written blog. My sense is that my divine advisors want me to become more comfortable sharing my thoughts and ideas off the cuff. With written blogs, I often spend a good amount of time editing. In other words, my advisors want me to trust myself.
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I’ve been expecting a package for the last two days. Each day, the carrier emails me informing me that the package would arrive between 3 and 7 pm. Since the package contains Christmas gifts we need to mail, I made sure I was home and checked the tracking page repeatedly.
Both days, after frequently checking the page, I suddenly saw a notice that they tried to deliver the package but were unable to. Since I live in a condo, the carrier has to use the external phone to alert us when they arrive. They didn’t. The package is now scheduled to arrive on Monday between 3 and 7 pm.
My first thought when imagining the carrier finally delivering it was to tell them off for not properly contacting me the other days. After all, I did everything right. I followed the rules. I was present during the time indicated. They were in the wrong and didn’t follow the rules.
Gratefully, soon after I imagined my reaction, my divine advisors challenged me to consider whether doing so would be beneficial to me. Would it be consistent with and reflective of my ministry as a spirit healer? How would that reaction impact the carrier? I realized I didn’t know the carrier’s situation. He or she was likely stressed from the great volume of their deliveries, given the season.
Considering all od this, the answer came: reacting like I first intended would only diminish us.
Have you ever been in a situation like this? It’s difficult not to want to tell someone off when you’ve followed the rules and someone else hasn’t—and that impacts you negatively. I think of other instances when I feel this self-righteous anger: while driving, when discovering dog poop or trash on the sidewalk, and in other situations.
I’m grateful my divine advisors and my essence reminded me that I’m better than that. So now about the package I’m expecting. Next Monday, I plan to sit in the lobby starting at 3 pm to ensure I receive it, and to thank them when I do.
During this sometimes hectic season, may you be stress-free and able to act from your beautiful divine essence in all your encounters.
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Yesterday, a friend and I gave each other spiritual readings. A few things stood out from hers about me, especially the message from my divine advisors and guide that I’d become was caught up in various worries and stresses. When she mentioned that, I was surprised. Was I really worrying?
At first, I couldn’t identify anything big. Then I realized that they weren’t big worries but small. Some of them included not getting the bookmark I was designing to align correctly for my newly released book, Where the Heart Leads: Journeys of a Spirit Healer. Despite repeated adjustments, it wasn’t perfect, and this led to worry and stress. Another was about losing weight prior to a vacation. I’d increased my exercise routine significantly, severely restricted sweets, and reduced portion size. Even with that effort, there were times I gained weight rather than losing it. I also noted other small worries as well.
I’m still surprised by how unconscious I was of them.
This morning, during meditation, as I asked Archangel Michael to help me release those worries. As I did, an image and song popped into my head. The image was a river with rocks scattered throughout which impeded the flow. My worries were the rocks, and I realized they limited the possibilities that might come to me.
The companion song to the image was “Let the River Run” by Carly Simon. Its lyrics have always inspired me. I wrote a homily about it when I was a priest. One line still jumps out: “Let the river run. Let all the dreamers wake the nation.” This conveys power and intention that encourages me to go forward and remove the obstacles to enable dreams to become reality.
May your river flow freely, unblocked by worry, so that you can see your possibilities and manifest your dreams.
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The next chapter of Thom’s journey begins! Where the Heart Leads, the second book in my Journeys of a Spirit Healer series, launched today and is now available on Amazon.
Let me tell you a bit about Thom’s next adventure:
Thom Macirdan’s years at the Acadium are anything but ordinary. What began with the discovery that dragons are real—and with Thom named guardian of a hatchling—rapidly spirals into a gauntlet of trials. How does a boy still finding his way care for a creature no one believes exists? How can he manage new and unpredictable spirit-healing abilities, fend off threats from an old enemy, and respond when crises demand his help?
Even as dangers mount, Thom faces another challenge: adolescence. The elders of his childhood faith taught him that attraction to someone of the same gender was disordered. Yet Thom feels a bond stirring—a love that brings strength, but leaves him torn between his heart and beliefs that no longer fit.
Join Thom as he navigates a path of dragons, healing, danger, and self-discovery, a journey where courage and love matter as much as any gift.
To celebrate, I’m giving readers a chance to download the Kindle version free. Watch the video to see how.
Special Announcement
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I recently completed a twenty-eight day Soul Coaching program with a goal of connecting more deeply to spirit. The final exercise was to go on a mini vision quest, a traditional rite of passage taken in nature to gain spiritual insight. I call mine “mini” because it lasted only a couple of hours instead of days—but the insight I gained was powerful:
To connect more deeply to the divine, I needed to connect more strongly with nature to restore my balance.
Does that make sense to you?
Up until then, while I recognized my need to ground and appreciate nature, much of my spiritual focus was directed toward the heavens. That typically entailed daily meditations, regular chats with my divine advisors, going on retreats, and attending workshops and programs. I didn’t realize that something was missing.
My vision quest insight called me to remember that while I bear a divine essence (my soul), I do so within flesh and blood. In other words, my very existence is part of nature and is in fact made of the same stuff.
So rather than “looking up” to strengthen my connection to the divine, I’m invited to look around at the wonder of creation. To appreciate the beauty, be grateful for it, care for it, and remember the fullness of who I am as an incarnated being. By doing so, I deepen my relationship with the divine and also step into my role as a co-creator.
What about you? Are you spiritually balanced? What’s your relationship with nature? I invite you to feel your connection to all of it, and through it, experience the divine in a new way.
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As I sat down to write this blog, this phrase came to me. But how can that be? Let me back up a bit.
I’m taking a Soul Coaching course with Denise Linn and, in yesterday’s session, she reminded us to pay attention to dreams. Last night, I had a doozy.
I found myself in a school that didn’t use books or classrooms. While the students all had heads and arms, they came in every shape and color. Some had fins; some with rounded bodies ten feet wide; others were quite small. I went up to one teacher and asked:
“How can I learn without books or memorization?”
“You will,” he answered.
“But how can I figure it all out if my mind doesn’t have something to latch on to?”
“Your learning won’t be with your mind.”
When I woke this morning, I wondered if this meant learning through experience. My divine advisors chimed in:
“Not quite.”
“Would I learn via spirit?”
Their puzzling reply: “Yes, and possibly.”
I’ve valued my logical mind for most of my life. Yet I know it has limits, especially when questions arise about how to live out my calling in the world. Sometimes, I need to let understanding come in its own time.
I forgot to mention that when I woke, lyrics from a Patricia Costa song popped into my head: “Sleeper, wake up to new life…” and “come out of the depth of your dreams, [God] is calling you.”
So, the dream was important. To clear my head, I decided to walk through my neighborhood, taking in the beauty of nature. Knowing my mind would still try to figure things out, my advisors sent more messages along the way, using other Patricia Costa songs:
“Things we see are not as they appear to be. A door was closed; another opens.” From this, I understood I’d be encountering something different, and encouraged to step through an open door into the unfamiliar.
“Beside restful waters, [God] is leading.” As I step through that door, my advisors alerted me that this new learning won’t come through effort or striving.
Once again, I’m being asked to have faith in whatever’s presented to me, trust that my spirit/my soul will recognize it, and not try to figure it out.
Have you ever been in this situation? When intuition tells you something new is about to unfold, and you’re asked to let go of your mind’s need to know or do and just be with it.
I guess we’ll see what comes of that.
Peace to you all. And thanks, Patricia.
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Two nights ago, just past midnight, I woke up, and a message resounded very clearly in my mind. It was immediately followed by a dream. The dream ended with a variation of the first. I wanted to share them with you.
Message One
Sometimes the most profound teaching can come through the most mundane and simplest circumstance.
Message Two
Sometimes the simplest words offer the greatest and most profound teaching and healing.
That’s it. After the long excerpt from book one a few days ago, it made sense that this blog would be short and sweet. I must also admit that I find it interesting that I’ve been posting quite a bit this month.
Peace.
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Remember Your Divine You 