I’ve written before that I’ve struggled with low self-esteem. I know some of you can relate, never feeling good enough, often comparing yourself to others and concluding you’re lacking. For me, these beliefs stemmed from feeling different from an early age, worsened by bullies. Unfortunately, they were further reinforced by some teachings of the Catholic Church that emphasized unworthiness. For example, the scriptural-based prayer Catholics said before receiving the Eucharist was, “O Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word, and I shall be healed.” Don’t get me wrong. My intention in writing this is not to bad-mouth Catholicism, which always holds a special place in my heart. I loved its ritual, symbolism, music, and many teachings. Most importantly, it established a foundation of belief in a supreme being, which I treasure to this day.

Many years later, even after much therapy, my sense of unworthiness lingered. Despite chats with my divine advisors, who repeatedly assured me I was loved and innately worthy, this belief lingered. In recent months, this was made plain to me, when expressing gratitude for their help. One day, while chatting with them, they stopped me because I was thanking them for something for which I had already thanked them numerous times. On the surface, this didn’t sound like a bad thing until I realized it came from feeling unworthy of their attention; surely, there was someone else more deserving.

During the Skamania retreat that I recently attended (sponsored by Celebrate Your Life), I named that limiting belief. As part of a ritual led by Denise Linn, I imagined it dissolving into nothingness as a biodegradable paper on which it was written floated down the Columbia River. Later, at the same retreat, Radleigh Valentine brought up the topic of faith in a way that made me reconsider its meaning.

My divine advisors prompted me to broaden it from the one-way—me to God—understanding to a threefold experience. The first centered on reminding me to have faith in myself, as I am now, and not in some distant future when I decided I was enough. The second was to take in, at my core, that God and my divine advisors had faith in me. That’s right. I’ll write it again. They have faith in me as a spirit healer, and especially important, as a human living in complex times. And the third, and sometimes most difficult, is for me to have faith that the promises my divine advisors have made to support and help will occur. I can name so many already. Now, I’m not saying I haven’t had challenges and struggles. During the tough moments, though, I try to remind myself that they have come through, even if it hasn’t been on my timeline.

The reality and gift of worthiness and faith. Beautiful concepts that are quite personal. If you struggle with feeling unworthy and having faith that anyone cares, consider my experience. Believe you are worthy and that God, angels, spirit guides, and all in the divine realm have faith in you.

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